


Dark in My Imagination

by rutherfords (seblaiens)



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Mages and Templars, Moral Dilemmas, Quiet Sex, Secret Relationship, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 19:40:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seblaiens/pseuds/rutherfords
Summary: There are some things better left alone, but Cullen has always been prone to infatuation.





	Dark in My Imagination

If temptation is torture, Solona Amell will be the death of him. It will be slow and painful, the kind of drawn out agony one doesn’t wish on their worst enemies, and Cullen will be awake for it all. Worse yet, he would rejoice at the chance of being hurt, over and over, just to get closer to her.

They watch each other in the hallways of the Circle, blue and hazel eyes meeting fleetingly before looking away. In embarrassment for him; in self-righteous glee for her. Solona knows exactly what she does to him and his ever-waning control over his actions towards her. His stares linger for longer when she walks by him, and she catches him smiling at her when he thinks nobody can see him - he stands in the shadows, ever-present but out of reach.

She wants to devour him.

He wants nothing more than to be close to her and not feel guilty.

*

“Solona.” Cullen’s voice is breathless as she pushes him against the wall behind him, his armour making a loud noise as it hits stone. “ _Solona,_ ” like a prayer on his lips.

*

“He says that that Amell girl is very talented, much more so than any of the other apprentices.”

“Of course _he_ would say that,” another voice scoffs, and Cullen feels his stomach turn, icy coldness gripping his insides. “Have you not noticed how he looks at her? If he wasn’t such a momma’s boy, I would have told her to stay away from him ages ago.”

“He’s harmless! I’d be more scared for him than Solona, should anything happen between them. She’s a wicked girl.”

The two gossiping mages cackle before retreating, and Cullen shifts on his feet at his spot behind the bookcase, wondering just how long _they_ have been talking about _them_.

*

It’s dark in the apprentices quarters, all the mages asleep in their rooms. The only light is coming from the dimmed magical lamps overhead, the ones that Cullen’s never seen go out in his time at the Circle. He’s the only Templar on duty in this part of the tower, but he’s not alone.

“I wish you would let me do more than kiss you,” Solona whispers into his ear, her breath tickling what little skin his Templar armour doesn’t cover. His hands are on her waist, but he can’t feel her skin, and hers are on his chest, but there is nothing but the vague awareness of pressure against the heavy plate.

Cullen can only quietly moan in response when she licks over his neck, sucking softly at the exposed skin. She’s left bruises before, lovemarks he’s had to explain to the others - they hadn’t believed him of course, but their suspicions were all wrong. They think he’s fraternising with someone else in the Order or one of the Chantry sisters, and Cullen can live with that. It’s better than them knowing the truth.

“I could do so much more with just a little privacy.”

A small bite to his neck before she slips out of his arms and back into her room. It’s only when another Templar walks by him on his way to the mages floor that Cullen realises how close they had come to being discovered - he hadn’t even heard the other man coming.

“Quiet night?” he asks, nodding at Cullen as he walks by.

“Indeed,” Cullen answers, his voice shaky to the point of breaking.

*

He must be insane, Cullen thinks one day, hidden in a dark corner in one of the storage rooms. His mind must have been taken from him by magic, or else he wouldn’t allow himself to touch Solona the way he’s touching her now, with her robes pulled up around her waist and Cullen’s fingers inside her smallclothes. She moans when his fingers clumsily rub over her clit before desperately pushing inside her, his ears burning when the wet sounds of her cunt reach them. She must be humoring him - there is no way she’s enjoying his virginal attempts at pleasing her.

“Get on your knees,” she commands, pressing down on his shoulders until Cullen’s knees buckle beneath him and he lowers himself to the floor. Looking up at Solona, he is sure his face must be flushed from embarrassment, but he can’t bring himself to look anywhere else - her skirt is still hiked up, and he’s so close to her groin that he can _smell_ her. She laughs at him. “Pull it down, not with your hands,” she says when he reaches up with shaky fingers still wet from being between her legs.

Cullen swallows down the saliva that had gathered in his mouth before leaning forward and hesitantly taking the fabric of Solona’s smallclothes between his teeth, his nose brushing against her clit. Cullen can’t stop himself from gasping, letting go of Solona’s underwear. She clucks her tongue at him before one hand touches his head and presses him harder into her crotch, his lips brushing over her. Cullen is glad he’s on the ground already, for he’s sure he would not be able to stand anymore. His cock is rock hard and pressing uncomfortably against the edge of his chest plate, but he can ignore the pain in favour of feeling over a damp spot with his lips.

“Cullen,” Solona reminds him with a painful tug on his hair.

He nods and finally manages to pull down the offending fabric, closing his eyes for a few seconds after catching the first glance at her. He opens them again after a few seconds, looking at short, dark hair hiding away the wet slit his fingers had already played with. He puffs out a breath that makes Solona shift on her toes as it fans out over her sensitive folds, and Cullen feels almost drunk when the change in her stance reveals her even more. She’s glistening wet, but other than that she looks just like in the dirty illustrations his Templar brothers had snuck into their dorm rooms during training - he’s never borrowed any of those books, but he’s seen them being passed around come night time often enough.

“Kiss me,” Solona says, pulling up her skirt even higher. Cullen hesitates for just a second before closing his eyes and leaning forward, closed lips pressing against hot skin. Solona laughs again, shaking her head so her long, black hair tickles over the top of Cullen’s head when she leans forward to hold herself up against the wall. He’s trapped between her and the stone behind, and he knows the only way he’ll get out is if he’ll do what she wants. “You’re adorable, Cullen.”

His cheeks flush at the praise, and he tentatively sticks out his tongue and runs it over her slit, not daring to push between her lips. He’s sure she’s not a virgin from all the things he’s heard about her, but he still doesn’t want to hurt her by being too eager - and truth be told, he has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing right now. He grows a little bolder when Solona pushes against the back of his head and forces his face closer to her cunt, until his nose is pressing into the hair that grows there. She smells so strongly there, it makes Cullen feel lightheaded as he laps at her, moving his tongue up and down slowly, still not sure if what he’s doing even feels good for her.

“You’re doing so well,” Solona whispers, her hands stroking through his curls, long nails scratching over the sensitive skin of his head and making goosebumps appear down Cullen’s neck and arms. A choked-off moan escapes his throat when Solona’s knees start  to tremble, and he can’t stop himself from reaching for the soft flesh of her thighs, his hands reaching around her body and traveling up until his fingertips are resting against the underside of her bum. Solona chuckles quietly and moves the hand in his hair on top of his, encouraging him to cup her cheeks.

“Lick over my clit,” Solona orders, and Cullen complies, circling the little bud with the tip of his tongue. He has to swallow a few times, Solona’s taste spreading around his mouth as he closes his mouth and his tongue swipes over his teeth. He continues when Solona whines quietly, impatiently shifting on her feet. “I’m so close,” she says, looking down at him, biting her blood red lips. Cullen stares in her eyes, his heart clenches almost painfully  in affection - like any time he looks at her.

He has to close his eyes and avert his gaze before he says something he’ll regret, words with meaning she won’t be able to reciprocate honestly. He squeezes his lids shut so hard, he can feel the space between his eyebrows wrinkle as he continues licking over her clit, sweet little moans and gasps forced from Solona’s mouth as he brings her to the edge and then over it, her legs almost giving out as she rubs her crotch against his face. Cullen’s lips and chin are drenched in fluids, and he can feel the wet slide of the stubble on his chin as she moves against him. It must irritate her skin, he catches himself thinking just as she gasps out his name, her fists pounding against the stone wall behind him.

She slides down and gets on her knees before him, resting her cheek against his armoured shoulder. Her breathing is hot and wet against his throat, and she cradles his head in her hands before she lean back to kiss him, her tongue sliding inside his mouth almost immediately. He feels her smile against his lips as she maneuvers his head to her liking, angling to so her nose can easily slide next to his, their kiss deepening even further until Cullen feels breathless, needing to push her away in order to draw in air, but too afraid to actually do it.

“My little pet Templar,” Solona whispers when she finally breaks their kiss. He watches as she licks over her lips, red from the stain she uses every morning, and from biting them to keep herself quiet. Her thumbs stroke over his cheeks as she smiles at him, pressing a chaste kiss on his forehead before she stands up and pulls him to his feet. He’s still achingly hard, and he hisses when she reaches beneath his robes to grab at his crotch. “We still have time,” she says with a quick look at the door that leads out of the closet, and she’s on her knees again before Cullen can even open his mouth.

His robes are pushed out of the way and his trousers opened and pulled down. Solona is having trouble with the padding beneath his chest plate, which hangs lower than the metal and obscures his crotch, so he helps her out by pulling his robe aside. With two hands free, she can easily fold the padding upwards, and Cullen gasps when he feels her lips close around the head of his cock, her tongue swirling around the head. She moves back to take him in hand, pushing back his foreskin carefully before licking at him again, swallowing the pre-come that had gathered beneath it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Solona looks up at him, her face half obscured by the layers of clothing she had pushed out of the way. “I can lean against the wall and you can put it in.”

“I- this is fine,” Cullen presses out between his teeth. Solona shrugs and takes him back into her mouth, moving her head in time with her hand. Cullen is so close already, he doesn’t think he would last to even thrust inside her would he have taken her up on her offer.

“Solona,” he says in warning when she takes him into her mouth deeper, the feeling of it velvet and wet around his cock as the tip of it connects with the back of her throat. His fingers clench in the fabric of his robes, and he bites his tongue as he spills into her mouth.

When he opens his eyes, Solona is looking up at him, smiling a sly grin before she opens her mouth and lets him see his spend as it gathers on her tongue, before she swallows it down. Cullen’s cock gives a pathetic twitch at how dirty and arousing it looks to see his own come in her mouth - he can’t imagine how it would be like to see it dripping out between her legs.

“Was that good?” Solona asks as she stands up, scratching her nails down Cullen’s neck. He almost answers when he realises that it’s a rhetorical question, that Solona is grinning at him and knows exactly how she’s done to him. His legs feel like jelly, and he’s not sure he’ll be able to stand on his own, without his back to the wall. He nods dumbly, flushing when Solona laughs quietly at him.

Her voice is in her usual, husky tone when she speaks again, so much deeper than all the other girls in the Circle; “I don’t want you to do this with anybody else, Cullen. You belong with me.” He nods again, closing his eyes when Solona kisses him.

She leaves the room first, quietly slipping out and leaving Cullen behind to gather himself before going back to his duties. He hopes no one had noticed him skipping his shift - maybe he could pretend he had food poisoning if someone would question his whereabouts. He’ll need some better excuses in the future, though, if Solona would stay interested in him.

*

Library duty is a new form of torture.

Solona is sitting with the two boys she always seems to keep around, Jowan and that trouble maker, Anders. Cullen often worries that one day, Anders will put ideas in her head and convince her to try to escape the tower with him, landing them both in the dungeon when they will, inevitably, get caught. He doesn’t want her to suffer solitary confinement, or have her Harrowing postponed because of one foolish decision.

Whenever she catches his glance, she smirks. He sees her nudging Anders one time, pointing at him and then whispering into his ear. Cullen’s ears burn when Anders turns around in his chair and gives Cullen a once-over - Solona must have told him what they had done together. Anders doesn’t look too impressed, shrugging his shoulders, apparently not very impressed with the Templar Solona had picked as her target. Cullen feels a pang in his chest when he thinks about Solona choosing anybody else but him, though he knows he shouldn’t. What they’re doing could cost him his job, and Solona would be transferred to a different Circle - if not a worse punishment was seen fit.

He looks at her again, fleetingly, and almost chokes when he sees her hand between her legs, stroking over where he had had his face just a few days earlier. Alarmed, he looks around, but nobody else seems to notice Solona slowly gather up the cloth of her skirt and pulling it up, exposing her upper thigh, before Anders picks up some parchment and hits her over the head with it. Solona laughs, not breaking eye contact with Cullen, her gravelly cackle carrying throughout the library - she doesn’t seem to mind that Anders saw her hike her robes up, and it forces Cullen to realise that it may not have been the first time Anders would have seen her like this.

He’s relieved when the group packs away their books and makes their way out of the room, leaving him behind to stew in his own irrational jealousy until it turns into sorrow over a relationship he knows they’ll never have.

*

“Apparently she got him where she wants him. Begging on his knees, last I heard.” A melodic giggle carries through the hallway, and Cullen freezes. He knows the girl who had spoken - she’s the same one who had been gossiping about Solona and him before.

“Was there ever any doubt?” her friend asks, the one who had laughed. Cullen feels his stomach turn in dread.

“Of course not, it was just a question of time. If Solona wants something, she’ll get it.” He can practically hear the eye roll that follows this statement. “Maker, I had that wench.”

“I’m surprised Jowan and Anders can stand being around her all the time.”

“Yeah, I can guess _why_ they do it.”

“Anders maybe, but _Jowan_? There’s no way he’s suave enough to get anyone into bed.”

“True.”

The apprentices laugh again, then a door closes behind them. Cold sweat drips down Cullen’s back, a few drops on his forehead he can’t wipe away without taking off his gauntlet. It would make his lie about being sickly a little more believable, at least.

*

There’s an assembly in the Circle, First Enchanter Irving introducing some mages from other Circles who lead the fraternities in hope to get the apprentices involved in Circle politics. The dorm rooms are vacant and quiet except for Cullen’s laboured breathing as Solona sucks his lower lip between her teeth and bites down, her fingers beneath his Templar robes and stroking over the trousers he wears below them. He can feel sharp nails dig into the fabric over his cock, pinching him almost to the point of pain - a quiet whimper escapes his throat when she catches the head.

“You don’t have to be quiet,” Solona whispers as she presses herself against him, already out of her robes. She’s only wearing a breast band and underclothes, the same ones that are given to every woman in the Circle who doesn’t have money on their own to spend. Boring and beige, but somehow they look exciting when she’s wearing them.

“What if somebody walks by?” Cullen asks, his voice barely audible over the beating of his own heart.

“Most of the time the Templars just leave us be when they catch us like this.” Solona giggles. “You’ll just have to get out of those clothes, and they won’t even notice you’re not another mage.”

“...alright.” He’s already out of his armour, but he’d pushed away her hands when she had reached to take off the rest of his clothing. Now, Solona’s eyes glint as she watches him take off the robes and untie his breeches, a sigh escaping him as the loosening of the ties gives his cock more space. Solona reaches out and helps him out of his shirt, leaving him nude except for his smallclothes, which are pushed down his thighs within seconds, as well. It’s not the first time she sees his cock, but it’s the first time he’s fully naked and sprawled out in front of her. “Can you… take this off?” he asks, blushing as his fingers pluck at the straps of her breast band.

Solona grins and bites her lip as she pulls the clothing over her head. Cullen thinks that, technically, she probably doesn’t need to wear it - her breast are pretty small, with dark, brown nipples in the centre. He reaches out and ghosts his fingers over them, his cock throbbing painfully as Solona shifts on his lap, rubbing it between her legs. He’s only gotten glimpses of women’s breasts before, during Templar training, when changing in communal spaces. Shame and inexperience had kept him from letting his eyes linger, and he had never accepted any of the dirty writings or illustrations the other boys had passed around at night.

Solona reaches up and puts her hands over his, making him cup her breasts with both hands. Cullen squeezes his eyes shut as his cock jerks up against Solona’s crotch, the head of it pressing between her cheeks as she rubs herself on him.

“You’ve never done this before?” Solona asks, as if she doesn’t know that the hurried few minutes they had shared together in the storage room a week earlier had been the first time Cullen had ever touched a girl. He shakes his head, watches as Solona smiles down at him, and then gasps when she reaches between her legs to pull her underwear to one side. The sensitive skin of his cock rubs against her wet folds, and Cullen opens his mouth in order to get enough air into his lungs.

“Solona,” he breathes out, gripping her hips as she begins moving, his cock sliding against her hot, wet core with every drag, “please…”

He whines when she rolls off him, watching as she pulls off her smallclothes before grabbing at his shoulders and pulling until he moves between her legs and lies on top of her. His hips begin moving against her almost like on instinct, the head of his cock brushing against her pussy. He groans, hot breath puffing against where he’s buried his head in Solona’s neck.

“Don’t be shy,” she says, spreading her legs farther and reaching between their bodies, taking ahold of his cock and placing it against her hole. Cullen gasps when he presses inside, feeling how hot and wet she feels, even more than she had been on the outside. He fucks into her, not being able to stop his body from moving in its own - it’s better than anything he’s ever felt before, better than the dry drag of his own hand at night, better than her mouth around him while she’s on her knees.

“ _Maker_ ,” Cullen gasps, grabbing the pillow beneath Solona’s head with both hands, burying his fingers inside them. “I’m not going to last…”

“Yes, you are,” Solona says, locking her legs around his waist and pulling him snug against her body. “Breathe, Cullen.”

He can’t move like this, but he’s deeper inside her than before, his balls resting against her body, though they feel tight and drawn up. Cullen bites his lip in order to keep pathetic whimpers from leaving his throat as Solona forces him to pause - it feels almost cruel, to give him this much pleasure while keeping him from doing the one thing his body is telling him to do. It works, though - he can’t move like this without fighting against her, which makes him gradually get down from the edge of his impending orgasm.

“And now, slow,” Solona orders, placing her feet back on the mattress. Cullen bites his lip as he starts moving again - he’s close to spilling as soon as he feels the hot, wet drag of her cunt around him again.

“I can’t,” he groans, pushing his face into the pillow in shame. His cock is jerking wildly inside her, the little amount of willpower and brain he still possesses keeping him from coming. “It feels too good.”

Solona sighs but pats his back, and he takes that as his cue to continue moving again, fucking into her quickly and without much finesse. He bites his own knuckles to keep himself from crying out loud as he comes, pulling out of Solona quickly  and stroking his cock until he spurts all over her abdomen. He’s panting as he rolls off her, closing his eyes and breathing in through his mouth to keep his heart from beating so fast. He’s too exhausted to even feel embarrassed as he feels Solona moving to wipe off his come, clearly not happy with his performance by the sounds of it. She sighs before lying down again, pulling up the duvet to cover them both.

“Thank you,” Cullen says, feeling his ears heat up. “I’m sorry,” he adds after a few seconds, so quietly he’s almost whispering. He’s been thinking about sex for so long, thinking it was something that would happen to him once he was older and had time to go out of the Circle and meet a girl in the city - he’s thought it an unattainable goal for so long,  and now he’s lying here, with the prettiest girl he knows, having absolutely messed up his first attempt. “I should have been… better.”

Solona breathes out a laugh, and then turns towards him, letting her fingers trail over his chest beneath the sheets. “I wasn’t expecting much,” she says, leaning forward to kiss him. “Everyone’s first time is awful.”

“Even yours?” Cullen can’t imagine her failing as miserably as he did - she’s always so sure of herself, excelling at every task.

“Even mine.” Solona nods. “It was with Anders, when I was fifteen. He was good, but I was so nervous he could barely put it in.” Cullen scowls, not wanting to imagine Solona in bed, with Anders beside her like he is right now. “He licked me until I opened up for him, and then he made me come with his fingers.”

Cullen almost growls, but instead just digs his fingernails into his thighs. Solona rests her head on his shoulder, smiling up at him, almost as if she knows what’s going on his head. And maybe she does, Cullen realises - she’s enjoyed toying with him in the past.

“I can do that,” Cullen says, already pushing Solona onto her back and climbing between her legs. She laughs, and pushes him away.

“Another time. The others will be back soon.”

Cullen nods, then awkwardly gets off the bed to put on his clothes again. It takes a while until all his armour is back in place, Solona’s watchful gaze never leaving his body. She’s still naked, pale, white skin contrasting nicely with her black hair. He’s always thought she was beautiful, but now she looks like a demon sent to torture him.

He bends down and presses a quick kiss against her lips, immediately feeling stupid for the boyish show of affection, but Solona smiles up at him as he stands straight again. He nods at her and then leaves the room, his legs weak as they carry him out.

He’ll need to go to the Templar’s quarters and lie down for a while, rest his body - all he wants to do is sleep, and then when he wakes up, find Solona again.

*

She leaves, and when he sees her again, she isn’t herself. Still beautiful, but hauntingly so. Still cold, but this time in a cruel way. When she touches him, it doesn’t feel good, but then again, it never has. Before, shame and guilt had kept him from fully enjoying her - now it is the knowledge that it _was_ wrong, that this wrongness is exactly the reason why the demons have found the image of her in his head.

If this is the Maker punishing him for his sins, Cullen hopes that, in his heart, he’ll be able to forgive.

**Author's Note:**

> gamlen.tumblr.com  
> i live for validation (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧


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